Giving up, or taking control?

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I don't know what I'm feeling right now. It started in my first class today when I just didn't seem to grasp what was going on; the instructions were not very clear and I felt bad making the teacher come back and forth to help (she doesn't get it). Plus I didn't do so hot on a midterm that I thought I studied enough for. I guess I could have studied a little more; nothing like feeling so prepared and failing. School is such a struggle for me.

We had a quiz today in another class, only 15 questions. I studied; I was studying today before the class. I think I did pretty well, but we know how that goes. Last time I thought this, I got a C. As I was studying I noticed I couldn't focus on what I needed to study. So... I opened my desk drawer, grabbed my bottle of medicine, shook out one pill, stared at it for a second, thinking to myself "what am I about to do?" then threw it back with some water. For the first time this semester, I had taken my medicine. I felt like I had given up on myself, like I couldn't handle the work load I thought I could manage on my own. On the plus side, I've probably had a total of 600 calories all day! I am just all kinds of emotions right now typing this, probably because this stupid medicine alters my mood as to mimic signs of depression. I look and feel like a zombie...

I took my meds around 1 o'clock and I forget how long they last. I usually get a headache which is a sign that the meds are wearing off; haven't gotten that yet, so lord only knows when I'll be falling asleep tonight. Good thing I don't have class until noon and that's my only class. Too bad my sleep patterns suck and I'll probably wake up at 7 o'clock for no reason. I just don't know what to feel about today.

Comments

  1. Barbara RobinsonOctober 23, 2015 at 7:33 AM

    everyone has "off" days...and don't think that you are giving up on yourself because you have to take medicine...you have a medical condition which requires you to take medicine in order to function - no different than high blood pressure or diabetes medicine or asthma medicine...your body needs it...your brain needs it...and, like it or not, you need to take it and work through the side effects as best you can.

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