My love/hate relationship with ADHD

I thought i'd dive back into ADHD for a bit. I mean, that's why i started this blog in the first place, right? Lately it's been weighing heavily on me - weighing me down, actually. So much that i started researching ADHD again, and affects of it. Lately i have just felt so exhausted. I am mentally exhausted. It is exhausting waking up every morning and being ME. Every day, i manage to find something to bitch about. Something is out of place in the house. Something was not cleaned properly. Something was knocked over and not picked up. People not thinking the way i think. UGH! I just want to scream some days. I look forward to getting back in bed after work. Not so much like a depressed hermit.. more like i want some alone time, my bed is comfy and cozy, and i can just relax. Sidenote: Relax? What's that mean? The term 'relax' has not been a term present in my vocabulary. Much of my life, neither myself or my body knew what that word even meant, let alone how to ...

I'm sitting here watching Seinfeld on a Friday night, just ate a bowl of popcorn - this has become my new weekday ritual. I had been thinking about something that happened recently, for a couple days now, and figured it would be a good thing to write about: Accept your flowers. I was working out one morning - it was lower body day, had hip thrusts on the menu. I like to refer to my exercises for the day as "on the menu" lol - i don't know, seems cool. Anyway i loaded the bar, had four plates on each side. That's a total of 405 pounds. I believe i had to do 3 sets of 5 reps that day. My newest gym friend, B, was nearby wrapping up her workout, finishing with abs. We were laughing, cutting up, then i hopped into my first set. She was watching, like you would your child performing a new gymnastics move you two have been practicing for a while; watching for form, completion, waiting to congratulate after nailing it. I went in, hit 5 solid reps, one after the other. I ...

 Hey all.. So it's been about 3 months since i started anxiety meds. I was being patient (Me?! Patient?! HA!) and waited about 8 weeks to let the meds do their thing, but yesterday during my appointment, i thought to myself, "Are they working? Do i notice a difference? How can I tell?" So i talked it over with my doctor and got a better understanding of how I should be feeling, how I should react to certain situations, etc. to better notice if the meds are working or if I need to increase my dosage. After talking we decided to increase them, but that I may not need to go higher after this adjustment. I dunno, we'll see. So here's day 1 of increased meds. In the meantime, I have always been a creative. I have ADHD, what do you expect? I can be very crafty when I want to be. My latest crafting has been with the Cricut cutting machine. This thing is pretty cool! You can be as basic or intricate as your imaginative brain allows. I've practiced and made cards, stic...

Hello old friend! Wow. It's been a while. We are still in a pandemic; 2 years and sadly still counting. I am still working from home. But it has gotten a little less lonely - my boyfriend got a better job, and he now works from home! I gotta say it makes the work day a little more fun, a little more relaxed, a little more lively.  I've been going to therapy for a year now. It's nice to have someone to talk to, an unbiased opinion on your life. She gave me coping skills. We would talk about what was bothering me, all the intrusive thoughts i had stored up in my head that would fall to focus like a dead leaf in the fall, swaying in the breeze from tree to ground. All this talking and this money i am paying, to go home and have a panic attack the next day. For example, since working from home, i would start cleaning when work was slow. Nothing crazy, tidy up here, tidy up there; get me out of my chair and moving around. As the year went on, i became obsessed over it. Every cha...