My love/hate relationship with ADHD

As i sit her thinking about how the year has gone so far, my brain prioritizes negative experiences over the positive ones. I was in a weird depression for a few months. Some days i'd feel like i'd beaten it or "snapped out of it". But the next day i felt it again ..and the next day .. and the next day. My little brother had to have heart surgery and that might have been what i was subconsciously shoving down and trying to ignore any feelings attached; it might have been the basis of my depression. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, and during that time some friendships took a hit, which made me feel even more depressed. I wasnt doing anything to hurt anyone, i just kinda closed off and didnt talk to anyone, and people took that personally. I wished they'd asked me or checked on me; i really only had a couple people to lean on. But with all that going on, i was holding it together through wedding activities, prepping for my best friend to get marr...

I recently had a brain scan done. Just when I thought i knew everything there was to know about myself, my eyes were opened much wider. If you've been reading my blog posts, you can probably see that while i know myself and understand how i operate, i still struggle to cope and adjust at times. Often, actually. But this brain scan was the cherry. The word for this experience: validation. Internet research has helped validate some things i'd be curious about, but this brain scan.. THIS RIGHT HERE.. took the cake! Based on the questionnaire, i presented difficulty with 'Regulation of emotional output (anxiety/depression)' and she explained to how ADHD fell into and played a role there. High level description of my experience: they put a mesh cap on your head with a bunch of wires and water-soluble gunk that help read your brain waves. You sit there for 10min, VERY still, with your eyes closed. Then again but with your eyes open. The guy administering my test was sitting b...

Believe it or not, naturally, i am an angry individual. ADHD flows deep when it comes to my anger. And as i've gotten older, i've learned to step back and process my thoughts and emotions before reacting; that could take a day, two, or however long. But even taking a step back has bitten me in the ass at times. So its either you want me to spazz out and flip a fucking table.. or you allow me to process and come back with some clarity and better wording. Take your pick. That's it. Thats the blog. Okay i'm kidding, i'll explain. Emotional dysregulation is when someone has difficulty controlling their emotions. This is not some major diagnosis; its just a name for it, its often related to disorders like ADHD or BPD (Bi-Polar Disorder). It can even happen after a traumatic brain injury. To be more specific, in this case, feelings of anger can be expressed by shouting, throwing things, physically harming someone or themselves.. similar to an extreme outburst or temper ta...

     I always understood the word 'empath' as a.. a superpower, of sorts. Like, you had to have really  strong feelings about a situation, that isn't yours to bear, to have literal tears running down your face right now; to be feeling as though it were you going through that situation. But i don't think it is like that at all. I don't think it is as  strong as i make it out to be. When you Google it, even that definition doesn't give it so much weight; "highly attuned to others' emotions." It's exactly that. And over the years, i've always wondered why i'd get so emotional when someone tells me a problem they're facing, or tells about the loss of a loved one, etc. Or why when someone gives me good news about a promotion at work, or pregnancy/engagement, etc, i tend to feel that same joy and excitement. I've had people ask me questions about their recent ADHD diagnosis and it not only sent me into a joyous, helpful spiral, in som...