Update...

Hello friends. So it's been a while,

Fast forward a year.. I've graduated college, with my bachelor's in science (yay!). I have since moved back home with my parents. I had been looking for a job since maybe January; had some prospects but they ended up falling through. One day I sat down and thought, "omg, what am I going to do?" I panicked. I didn't have a job, I entered my grace period for college loans... I was anxious; I wanted to start my career! The anxiety that can sometimes come with adhd started kicking in, and at sometimes I wasn't even aware of how stressed I was. It starts taking a toll on your body, your mind. You ultimately end feel like a failure. It was starting to sink in that maybe I failed. I can't get a job because I don't know enough. I bomb interviews for awesome job opportunities because I can't pull information from deep in my head, that I end up finding AFTER the fact. I can't focus, they ask wordy questions that have my head spinning.. am I failing??

The answer is no, I'm not failing. In fact, I was hit hard by reality when I was looking for a $65,000 job fresh out of college. That may happen to some but Allyson, you're crazy. You don't have enough experience for them yet, sit down. I mean I had a fire lit under my pants and I was ready to get out there and start learning more about my field (cyber security, by the way). So I waited. I made some profiles on a couple job sites and got emails about possible positions. When I saw one I liked, I applied. I probably put in one app per day! And heard nothing. Until...

I was in my car one day when I got a call from a recruiter. I thought it would be some lame job or a bogus scam call. I listened and he had a job for me, an interesting job actually. It was with one of the top chicken companies in the country, working at the corporate office on the network operations center (NOC). NOC never fully interested me but I felt I did need to learn more, especially since networking and security go hand-in-hand. So long story short, I took the overnight position (yes, overnight, 4 days a week, 12 hours) and have been enjoying my experience so far. I plan on getting some certifications, moving up in the corporation, and focusing more on me now. I will mention that with adhd, I think a lot. My mind is constantly racing. And whether you know it or not, I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about your hair, your outfit, your figure, sometimes I unintentionally judge and then beat myself up inside for even caring to judge someone else, I'm thinking about what someone else is doing rather than what I could be doing.. it's a constant struggle and well... I'm sick of it. I've got a lot of goals to reach and I'm already anxious to start achieving them. I'm going to focus on me more and ask myself this question more often when I get side tracked, "but does it affect your life in any way?" If the answer is no, I shall proceed on my merry way, and continue to take on the world.

Sorry I've been gone so long. Maybe things had settled down and I didn't need to vent anymore, who knows. I'll try and blog here and there, but I just wanted to give a quick update on how my life is going!